I haven't written in awhile, with my truth mission consuming most of my time and energy (along with starting a new job, the other one proved to be just too stressful...not good for health or baby making). It's amazing what a journey of healing telling the truth can be. I'm finally feeling emotions I've never been able to really feel, and my relationships have become so wonderfully supportive, encouraging, strengthening, uplifting.
It was also actually a nice break from not thinking about trying to get pregnant. I think that was healing as well, not being consumed with lack of control, with heartache, with impatience, with the desire to go to any lengths while hubby was still not ready for that step. It's helped me re-focus that neither he nor I have control of the situation, we might get pregnant tomorrow which still feels a little too soon to hubby, and we may not get pregnant ever which I have had to learn to come to terms with. Only God is in control. Only God can remove whatever obstacle is in our way, and only when and if He wants to remove it. It's not worth worrying about, or attempting to control, it only creates a lot more grief for us.
But I am still chasing that dream. Being a mother still is the closest thing to heaven I can imagine. And as much as I'm not in control, there are still tools God has given us to help us along. Like doctors. It's been a year and a half of trying now, it's probably about time we look to doctors to help us figure out if something physical is an issue. If it is, then it's up to God to show us how to fix it, but we can at least find out if that's the case. I made an appointment to see the doctor, but the earliest I could get an appointment was November! If nothing else, God is certainly teaching me patience.
