To Wait or Not to Wait

All the reasons NOT to wait another two years to have children flooded my mind.
Work was getting very stressful, and it made me contemplate I may be getting a sign that it's time to move on to the next phase of my career, motherhood. I was making too much money to quit, or look somewhere else, but maternity and paternal benefits would be very generous. There were other reasons the timing seemed right as well.
First, we were financially much better off now than we thought we might be when we first decided on the year 2007 for the year to have kids. We owned a house that had enough room for us and a child, we had a reliable vehicle with room for kids, we had well paying jobs with great benefits.
Second, our kids could have cousins their age if we started at the same time (or nine months after :) as my sister.
Thirdly, it had recently occurred to me that it took my mom 5 years to get pregnant and two other aunts had fertility issues as well, if we didn't start now we may not have children until I was much older than I wanted to be, or we may not be able to have kids at all.
Fourth, I was finding it hard to crawl on the floor, playing with little kids, running around after them, how would I manage in a few years with my own children.
Fifth, my parents health was also something I was concerned about increasingly. Dad was about to turn 60, had been having chest pains occasionally, had been increasingly more sick since Grandma passed away. And Mom's hip problem was getting worse as well, and there's been talk of her needing it replaced. Of course this ends up as a wake up call that my parents are mortal and won't always be around, and I'd like to give them as many years with our children as possible.
With all these thoughts overloading my mind I finally talked to my husband about the possibility of starting our family early. I asked him if there was anything other than our age (and the stability that came with it) that we were waiting for. He had only one.
Fear of failure.

Love is not all you need

Life is full of surprises. Surprises that cause a change in plans. One of those surprises is love, a love you didn't expect to feel so deeply and quickly. Holding my niece just barely a few hours old, in all her innocence and freshness, was instant love. Having an instantaneous bond, one that ran red beneath the skin that would look very similar to mine, it swept me off my feet and changed my life.

I thought I wanted children before that moment yet in an instant my desire multiplied by a thousand, I was overwhelmed with love I needed to pour out into one of these little miracles lying in my arms. All my plans to wait another 2 years flew out the door in that instant.

I didn't act on that impulse, but like someone falling in love I harbored my feelings, contemplating them, trying to see if they were 'right'. And also like someone falling in love, I couldn't stay away from the object of my affection, I wanted to see her as often as possible, I wanted to stare into her beautiful eyes, and have her stare back into mine. I wanted to hold her soft hands, kiss her chubby cheeks, and just hold her for hours. How could I wait one second longer to create this kind of love myself?

But that was it, I couldn't do it by myself, that's not what marriage was about and it's not what I wanted to do regardless. This was my husband's life, and his children too, we needed to be on the same page. Yet I saw a lot of discussion on the topic coming in the VERY near future! A lot nearer than 2 years I tell you!

Planned Parenthood

Just because you have a dream doesn't always mean you have to pursue it immediately. You have to be smart about it, timing is very important. Especially with something as important as bringing children into this world.
Of course, I had to wait until I found the perfect husband and potential father of my children to be. That of course took some time, a little longer than I might have planned it if I was the one in charge of meeting my wonderful hubby. And I didn't anticipate that my man would be a few years younger than me, and so therefore not exactly in the same place as me as far as parenthood plans. So of course, the plan to acheive the dream gets slightly adjusted here and there but slowly I was getting there, I had my eye on the prize.
Somewhere along the way we started making plans a little more official, we agreed to wait until I was 30 and he was 27, not too old and not too young to start a family. Of course, as the saying goes, the best laid plans.....

The chase begins

"It is not a slight thing when those so fresh from God love us."- Charles Dickens

Holding a baby erases all doubt (if any ever existed) that there is a God. If there was ever proof of the miraculous, a tiny little life is it. Holding a baby for me is a little slice of heaven, it is the closest thing to being near God, to be able to have in my arms something so recently in His presence.

All my life I knew motherhood was my destiny. I could not fathom any career that I would love more or would not sacrifice to be a mother. It was that dream I chased, the only journey I wanted, my certain destiny. Motherhood was heaven and I would chase it faithfully.