In a way it was just a small thing. It was a month I didn't expect to get pregnant anyway. I was sufficiently distracted during the time I expected to get that news.
Then suddenly it became a huge thing. I won't go into details but suffice it to say I feel like my body is toying with me. I went through the emotional rollercoaster of believing I was pregnant and then not pregnant 3 times in 8 days. With each time the hope just grew and grew and grew.
Because it's Christmas, and like a few other annual celebrations, it is a reminder there is still just two of us in our family picture.
Because it's 13 days away from our nine year anniversary of chasing this dream.
Because this is the year we finally stopped trying....to help God....with conception.
Because 2014 was supposed to be the year, and it wasn't only I who heard it this time.
I'm at the point I just don't know anymore.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to feel.
By now I know 2015 will not magically make me 'all better'. But I'm still done with 2014.
