I'm the kind of person who has had very bizarre and often dark and scary dreams, occasionally they have been a forshadowing of what is to happen in real life, luckily not a lot though. Since July I have had nary a bad dream and a lot of good, although still sometimes strange, dreams.
In November though I had a dream that I felt very strongly telling me something, even though the dream itself wasn't concrete. I dreamt that an aquaintence, who is not even dating anyone, got pregnant. I went to visit her in the hospital after she had the baby and asked to hold the baby, which she did very willingly yet somberly. I held this baby with mixed emotions, partly joyous for the precious life I was holding, partly full of sorrow. Not for the circumstance in which the child was born. Not because it wasn't mine. It was because I knew I would NEVER hold my own. I did not want to let go, but then the mother said, "It's time to let her go," and I knew it wasn't a protective request, or visiting hours are over request, or really about her at all. I just KNEW she was giving me an opportunity to act out a good-bye with the child I'll never have. It was time to let my dream of a child go.
Now, I wasn't about to take that as a concrete sign, but it did water a seed already planted.
Then, two weeks ago today, I had a dream where I was hugely pregnant, sitting in a waiting room desperately hoping Sean and my doctor would arrive shortly before the baby decided to come! All of a sudden my parents and deceased grandma are there, which I wasn't happy about because they beat Sean, and even the baby....this was something for us alone, until after the baby was born. Next thing I was giving birth, quickly and painlessly (most definitily a dream!), and I was holding a baby boy, in a blue sweater and blue cap, then I carried him out of the hospital in a brown paper shopping bag and had to get home quickly to update my Facebook status to "Lori had a baby boy!" Way too many dream factors to take seriously, but it kind of balanced out the other dream at least.
Then, a week later, I was praying for my husband, asking God to show me how I can help him this year and I asked for my answers in dreams. God blessed me by jumping through my hoops to prove my dreams were from Him, but I couldn't quite grasp why, and in answer to my why I dreamt of a positive pregnancy test and nothing else. Considering God gave me signs I asked for to prove the dreams were from Him, I began to seriously question the possibilities of what that dream meant.
Two days later my period is late. Three days later it's later than it has been in over a year and a half. Three days later I'm a week late, I haven't been this late since December 2007. One day later, I'm definitely NOT pregnant.
Considering all the possible variables for what my dream from God meant, I didn't hope too hard, but just hard enough. So I hurt again, I let go again, I dream again.
