Always be prepared

That's my motto. Should have been a girl scout apparently. So, the instant we started trying I had a list of things to get to.
I had to go out and buy pre-natal vitamins, very important to start those even before you are pregnant.
I had a doctor's appointment today and so I told him I wouldn't be renewing my birth control pills because we were starting to try to get pregnant. He advised me of typical ovulation timing, but other than that he didn't have as much advice as I thought he might, not even as much as I'd already read on the internet.
He did however tell me that at my current weight I should only gain 20 lbs in my pregnancy. My sister had gained 40 lbs in her pregnancy and she had started off very skinny, like almost 100 lbs skinnier than me, so I got worried I wouldn't be able to stay in the 20 lb limit to keep my pregnancy healthy.
I struggled with my weight for so long, never finding anything that really worked to keep the weight off, and it was something I was almost tired of. But this hit home, I now couldn't just think of myself when considering my health and my weight. I knew a few people at work who were going to Herbal Magic, and it was working for them, but I didn't want to resort to pills, thinking that couldn't be very healthy for pregnancy either. I did hear good things about cutting out sugar and excessive carbs, so I worked at reducing those in my diet, as well as trying to find ways to be more active.
I also wanted to be prepared for noticing changes in myself, so I could maybe detect ovulation or pregnancy, as well as document the journey so I started writing everything that had happened so far into a pregnancy journal, and of course kept it up with writing changes in my temperature (to check if I was ovulating), and keeping a calendar of my cycle and intercourse. I was determined to do everything I could, that was in my power. I was SO prepared.

The secret

We decided that we didn't want a lot of attention on this decision so we decided our trying would remain our secret. I have a realllllly hard time with secrets, especially one that is so exciting, and where so many others would be excited with me. Hubby isn't the most excitable person, especially with his reservations about parenthood, so I wanted to share with someone, anyone who would do a little happy dance with me. Oh well. I had to be content with the fact I was finally on the road to motherhood.

The countdown begins

Today my hubby gave me the best Christmas gift, actually the best gift ever! Today he said after I am done my current prescription of birthcontrol pills we won't renew it! We are going to "stop interrupting nature." Trying by my definition, compromise by his, because he's still not ready for charts and temperature readings and sex on command, but I'm okay with that!!
55 more days and the chase officially starts moving forward at a faster speed, not quite full speed ahead but good enough for now.

Getting used to the idea

I really admire my husband for loving children enough to consider their well being more than our desire to have them. If he wasn't certain we would do right by them, he'd rather not have them at all. So many people today have children with no consideration for the child, whether they'll be able to meet any of the child's needs, physically or emotionally, they just do it for their own sense of purpose.
Although my sense of purpose was greatly tied to having children, a lot of that had to do with how much I knew I could provide them. Not just physically. I knew of so many mistakes parents made that I could avoid, and I made sure to stay tuned in to how it felt to be me as a child so that I could help my children avoid my mistakes. And I knew my husband had a lot of wisdom to share as well. Not to mention love, I knew we had so much love to give away.
But that didn't stop him from worrying he would somehow ruin our children. He did not have a good example of a father for him to pattern himself after, in fact he mostly had no example. He wasn't a natural with children, and he had a lot of instincts but not much practice, so he wasn't sure of himself. And in general he didn't like doing anything that he couldn't succeed at, and being a parent wasn't something he was sure he could succeed at.
I of course re-assured him that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, all parents are a afraid of making mistakes and do make mistakes. Most of those mistakes are largely inconsequential in the bigger picture, and even the big mistakes don't always ruin their children. The people we raise them to be plays a big part in how they deal with our mistakes. He was a perfect example of that.
Not to mention, would he be any less afraid of those mistakes in just about a year and a half from now, when I hit the magical 30? Of course not....he had just hoped for as much time as possible to get used to the idea that he was going to be a dad some day.