If I lived my life solely based on the world I see around me I would likely be a bitter and angry woman. Did you know 49% of the pregnant women (US statistic) walking around did not intend to get pregnant, weren't even trying. Half of those women will get abortions. 13% of those unintended pregnancies are teenagers. 1/3 of children (Canadian statistic) experience child abuse or neglect.
These statistics do anger me, but knowing these women/parents are able and 'allowed' to get pregnant while I, a person who wants to have and raise a child who will be loved as God loves me, can't have children, could lead me to live quite a bitter and angry life.
The world tells me it's my right to have children! It's my right to selfishly spend thousands of dollars I don't have pursuing motherhood. It's my right to pursue motherhood even into an age that is not fair to my children. I shouldn't ever give up my pursuit of motherhood because it's my right, or I deserve it, or because I would be good at it.
But motherhood is not a right, it's a blessing, it's a gift, it's a purpose. It is something I can not demand and don't have claim to. I can pursue and purchase motherhood no more than I can pursue or purchase a spiritual gift. It's not my right to pursue discernment or healing when my gift is encouragement and faith.
I recently found out I do indeed have the gift of faith through a spiritual gifts course. It's something that I hadn't really thought about myself, but answering the questions it totally sounded like me. I think back to 4.5 years ago when I first wanted to start trying to have a baby and faith was definitely something I lacked. I exercised every tool and resource in my reach and control to make a baby happen. I was very afraid of never having a child. But through the struggle I was shown I never had an inkling of control... and trust began to grow. And I was shown my purpose has been my purpose since before I was born, it will not change because of what I do or don't do, and my faith really began to grow.
Infertility is one of the hardest things I have ever been through, knowing this is the way it is supposed would be even harder if I lived 'by sight', but living 'by faith' has made it acceptable. Actually more than just acceptable, I'm even warming up to the idea of all He can use me for without having children of my own, and how He can use me to bless children already in my life.
Living by faith allows me to be me because it allows God to be God, trusting him allows him to work in and through me, allowing me to live my best life.
