Stop

The last 51 months has been nothing like I thought it would be.

Aside from the fact my body can't/won't/doesn't want to get/stay pregnant.

Aside from the monthly dissappointment.

Aside from the weekly reminders that hopes other than my own are not being fulfilled.

Aside from the rollercoaster of a possible solution, a failed attempt, a possible solution, a failed attempt, etc., etc., etc.

Aside from all that hurt, there is a bigger hurt.

The pain is that it's my body alone, it's my dissappointment alone, my feeling failure alone, my chasing hope alone.

This journey was not meant to be done this way. Alone.

But this is how I was made, and Sean is the way he was made, and so choosing this journey seems to have been choosing something that was not meant to be.

And so......we stop choosing it. We stop chasing it.

Willing isn't the same as wanting
Hope for destiny is not hope with desire
It's not just a purpose, it is a passion
Your happenstance is my heartbreak

I wanted to be united in blood
Deeper in love
This pursuit has made me prone
To pursue this alone.