Infertility Interview #2 - Meet Liz

I want to thank Liz for be willing to share her story, right in the midst of her struggle, and for sharing her hope with us.

How long have you been/were you trying to conceive and what issues are/were you facing?
We have been trying to conceive since 2008. I was 28 when we started and by 29 I had a positive pregnancy test. Found out that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was having horrible abdominal pain with every menstrual cycle and with intercourse even up to 2 hours after. After I had a laparoscopy in 2009 it was determined that I had endometriosis. They had a large amount with adhesions, which explain the amount of pain include areas on the bowel. I had laparoscopies repeated in 2011 and 2013 to increase the chances of fertility and pain relief. After waiting over 6 months with no pregnancy we decided to harvest my eggs and start IVF. My husband sperm was grade A so there were no issue there. After a month of fertility drugs and hormone injections we were able to retrieve 13 eggs, only 7 survive the incubation stage. After 2 IUI and 2 IVF cycle failures we decided to take a break.

Where are you at in your journey today?

At this point we have 3 embryos in storage. Due to my pain of developing fibromyalgia we decided on pain control before continuing. We have discussed trying another IVF cycle next year after trying a ‘clean eating diet’ and as organic and hormone free as financially possible.

What is a common misconception (pardon the pun) you encounter the most about struggling with fertility?

I think the biggest misconception is that we are not trying enough. My husband and I both worked shift work and we would time everything so that would not be a factor. Then people started to say ‘its because your trying too hard’. At that point I don’t think we were stressed at all.

How do you and your husband cope differently? And how do you work at not letting it harm your marriage?

I think we cope very well together regarding this situation. There have been times where I have given him the option to continue on with someone else that could fulfill this ‘obligation’. He says he is in it for the long run and has accepted that this may never happen and he is okay with that. We have also discussed that option of a surrogate if all else fails. We talk openly about this issue so we are always on the same page.

What is one way society has made it difficult to feel ‘normal’ or like you don’t fit in?

My husband and I both have large groups of friends and family. Everyone pretty much has a child if not 3 by now. We feel very weird when we attend functions because everyone is talking about everything baby related, mile stones and school events. Some people makes us feel that we are not busy stressed or broke because we do not have anyone we care for but a dog. We get a lot of ‘it must be nice’…not to wake up early….have to clean up after a baby….sleep all night…and so on.

What is your biggest frustration with this struggle, other than of course the lack of pregnancy?

My frustration is not feeling like I can control my plan. Not sure if we should save more money for something that may never happen or take vacations and enjoy what we have. But also having to attend all the baby showers and birthday parties childless is pretty frustrating, especially when people ask why we don’t want to have kids or start giving advice when they don’t know what we’ve already been through.

What was the biggest surprise about this journey?

The biggest surprise about this journey was how understanding and supportive my husband and family have been.

How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?

I think I have let myself cry as much as I can to let the stress flow through helps. I found just going for a walk or bike ride with my dog have been very therapeutic. As a nurse I have witnessed many sad moments in peoples lives that I feel like things can be so much worse and sometimes you just tell yourself ‘it is what it is’. We cant control everything and just be grateful for what I already have. I try not to dwell and take one thing at a time.

What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?

I don’t think I have hit my lowest point as of yet. I have always had a gut instinct that the first fertility trails where not going to turn out. I think my low will come when I am on my last embryo. I would not what to go through the injections and egg retrieval again. But I think I would if it came down to it.

What was the best and worst advice you received?

Best: ‘not to listen to anyone’s advice everyone’s body is different’

Worst: ‘it will happen when it happens’

Would you have done anything differently?

One thing I would have done differently was to try the IVF when I had found out in 2009 about the endometriosis issue. I had let my gyno talk me into waiting to see a fertility specialist thinking that the laparoscopies would have increased my chances of conceiving.

What is one thing you would want other women just beginning their struggle with their fertility to know?

I want every women struggling that they are not alone. It may take a few months or even years but don’t give up on your dream. Never let anyone talk you out of trying all your options that are available. Do what you have to do to make your dream come true.