the diary of my pursuit of motherhood-ness

Sunday, October 30, 2005

To Wait or Not to Wait

All the reasons NOT to wait another two years to have children flooded my mind.
Work was getting very stressful, and it made me contemplate I may be getting a sign that it's time to move on to the next phase of my career, motherhood. I was making too much money to quit, or look somewhere else, but maternity and paternal benefits would be very generous. There were other reasons the timing seemed right as well.
First, we were financially much better off now than we thought we might be when we first decided on the year 2007 for the year to have kids. We owned a house that had enough room for us and a child, we had a reliable vehicle with room for kids, we had well paying jobs with great benefits.
Second, our kids could have cousins their age if we started at the same time (or nine months after :) as my sister.
Thirdly, it had recently occurred to me that it took my mom 5 years to get pregnant and two other aunts had fertility issues as well, if we didn't start now we may not have children until I was much older than I wanted to be, or we may not be able to have kids at all.
Fourth, I was finding it hard to crawl on the floor, playing with little kids, running around after them, how would I manage in a few years with my own children.
Fifth, my parents health was also something I was concerned about increasingly. Dad was about to turn 60, had been having chest pains occasionally, had been increasingly more sick since Grandma passed away. And Mom's hip problem was getting worse as well, and there's been talk of her needing it replaced. Of course this ends up as a wake up call that my parents are mortal and won't always be around, and I'd like to give them as many years with our children as possible.
With all these thoughts overloading my mind I finally talked to my husband about the possibility of starting our family early. I asked him if there was anything other than our age (and the stability that came with it) that we were waiting for. He had only one.
Fear of failure.

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