I received a book from my dad called "I don't need a baby to be who I am". I don't know what I was expecting but it was better than I thought. Although, it had a more feminist and a new-agey feel that made it hard to connect with everything she was saying, it also did connect with something I already have been beginning to feel. There are many children already born in this world that I can help in ways a mother can't, and that I have a place in shaping this world, I am a part of the 'village' it takes to raise these children.
Just because I don't have my own children to devote my time to right now doesn't mean there are not children I could be devoting my time to. I could be sharing the immense love I have with other people's children (and I have been, both with my neices and nephew as well as in the nursery at Church). I could be sharing my wisdom and experiences in life to help young girls before they make the bad decisions I did. The opportunity may even present itself to us to foster children, it's a thought we've tossed around.
I think the biggest thing I've been learning right now is that regardless of what God has planned for me in these childless days right now, the plans are the same for me whether children are in my future or not. His plans don't change for me just because I don't know what the future will hold, because He knows my future! Maybe I'm delaying children by trying to 'force' them into being now, yet no matter what I do I won't be able to change His plans for me, so why not just focus on participating in His plan and let it unfold the way He's meant it to be. If I feel the need to love children in the mean time, there are plenty to choose from.
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