It has been just over one year since I have ended the Clomid, and I know with certainty it was the right decision to end the treatment. While it technically worked, my eggs were more viable, and we learned more about what was going on in my body through it, God showed us after the 8 months it was just not the end of our path, it was only part of it.
I hadn't really shared much here about the Clomid part of my journey other than the initial treatment explanation, then the first month and last month. For those of you who don't know, Chlomid/Clomifene stimulates the release of a stronger egg, a more viable egg, so that if it was fertilized it had a better chance of surviving. This stronger egg that was stimulated would also be a second egg, you are ovulating 2 eggs per month, doubling chances of getting pregnant each month.
And also doubling all cycle symptoms.
And that was on the lowest dose, not only did I go up in dosage 2 times over 5 months, staying on the highest for 3 months, but the specific variation of this medication I was on builds up in the system so symptoms get stronger and stronger the longer you are on it. Not to mention, the last 2 months of treatment I also started taking a really high quality set of vitamins and they had a tremendous effect on my egg vitality (as demonstrated by the sustained viability I mentioned here), but also compounded the strength of every monthly cycle symptom.
So there I was, From February to April, feeling like I had rocks for ovaries for at least a week before ovulation and during ovulation. Then I had a sore abdomen (like I had done 100 crunches every day for the last week) up until PMS started. And PMS went from about 4 days to 7-8, and where I previously only had 1 or 2 symptoms that didn't bother me all that much most months, now I had 3-4 symptoms way more intense than before. And then, TMI, but my period went from a very light flow, with very minor cramping, for 3-4 days to a very heavy flow with 2 days of really uncomfortable cramping for 5-6 days. All in all, I had maybe a total of 7 days each month that I wasn't in some sort of discomfort.
And of course, there was the estrogen fueled emotions. Granted I am a very emotional person every day of the month, but my PMS emotional sensitivity and quickness to cry is actually pretty tame compared to some women (no judgement, each person's hormones and emotions is there own, just clarifying my PMS emotions are not what some might think of when they think of stereotypical PMS). So, when I began to be much more easily frustrated, offended, sentimental and generally crying for no real reason, I knew the extra estrogen was messing with me. Unless you call Ellen giving a family a free new van a valid reason to weep uncontrollably. I don't, normally.
But that became my new normal. For the last year, this is the one symptom that refused to let go when the rest of the effects of Clomid did. It's not a lot of fun trying to stay composed when you are really fine but your hormones decide they want to have a complete melt down. And it's not just sniffles or dabbing your eye crying, it's often full on ugly cry and when I cry like that I get red and splotchy. I'm not into hiding my emotions but it's hard to convince others of that when you look like a wreck and are saying you are all good!
Interestingly enough I didn't even really realize this until the last few months. I've had a really hard year, some deep depression moments, some seriously frustrated and angry moments, some really sad moments of loss. But when a pregnant friend kept apologizing for her heightened sensitivity and constant tears, blaming it on pregnancy hormones, it hit me! That's they key! My hormones are still out of wack from the Clomid! Yet, I didn't know what to do about it but wait it out.
Then, a friend who is very into natural treatments for everything thought to mention something to me about the medicinal benefits of essential oils, and through conversations and research I realized I might have an answer to my hormonal imbalance in something as simple as an essential oil. I started applying the oil 2 days before ovulation and already noticed a reduction in those symptoms and now I'm about to see how it fairs up against my PMS, but the biggest change is that my hyper-sensitive crying has reduced drastically! In the first few days I already noticed a huge difference! I can't wait to see what a body in better balance feels like!
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