It's been a year, just barely over a year since we've officially been trying to get pregnant. We've hit the year mark. The mark where we can now become officially concerned that we're not pregnant. Surprisingly, I am not as concerned as I thought I would be a year ago. That might have something to do with the fact I'm a day late. Believe me, I have learned not to even get excited for at least 7 more days, but I can't help but hope. Hope is something I just can't shake, even when it hurts and I want to be rid of it. Hope is just too much a part of me.
The other reason I'm may not be that concerned is because of my life right now. I'm very busy with my new job in payroll. It's good so far but I feel like I'm just not the same type of worker as my fellow employees, they seem to think working unnecessary overtime is a sign of a good employee. I'm not willing to do that, even if children are never part of my future, I don't want to live to work, I want to work to live. Well, in this kind of job maybe, if I was self-employed it might be different.
The other thing I'm trying to concentrate on is losing weight again. Through the stresses of the last year I have gained the 15 lbs I lost back. It's a stop/start enterprise, because everytime I think I might be pregnant I halt dieting, not wanting to harm a baby with a lack of nutrients. I know I can't keep doing this because I really do need to lose the weight, I just need to buckle down and stop allowing myself to sabatoge myself when I know I don't have a real basis for quitting.
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