September 5th - end of second day late, but this time I'll be patient, I'm going to wait one more day :)
September 6th - negative test
September 7th - another negative test (why do I torture myself?)
September 10th - I am 7 days late, a WHOLE week late.
Until at the end of the day I start bleeding heavily. Way more than I have since I was a teen. I know the tests said negative but could I have been pregnant and now am having a miscarriage?!? I hadn't even considered the possibility before now. I knew I could be in for a long wait like my mom, or not at all like my aunt, but losing a baby? I wasn't sure I could handle that. I call in sick to work. Work has been stressful enough lately, I didn't need this additional worry added to my plate, so I concentrated on the stress at hand and stayed home.
All the signs (those darn signs again!) seem to point strongly to the conclusion I've had a miscarriage. I am profoundly sad, and possibly bordering on depression, sinking into a quietness where my thoughts of pain, loss, confusion, uncertainty, rattle around my brain. And I can't even talk to anyone because the whole 'trying thing' is a secret. I have of course told hubby my worst fear, and he is understanding, but he's at a loss for words and isn't sure how to console me. Plus, if I'm not even sure, how can he have feelings one way or the other about it, other than being disappointed it's another month of not being pregnant. He tries to console me with a Dairy Queen blizzard, but that's good for only a few minutes of comfort and distraction. I didn't have anything concrete to grieve but grieving I was.
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