Give Peace a Chance

Philippians 4: 4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I have to admit, I have rarely, nevermind ALWAYS, been rejoicing in the Lord for the last several days. I don't know why but all of a sudden I lost the 'peace that passes understanding' that I have managed until now. Lately I've been 'stabbed' repeatedly by IN-MY-FACE examples of what I don't have, and so I've been consumed with the desire to grieve what I'm trying to let go of, but yet I don't know how to balance that with "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10 and "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

Am I not allowed to feel loss and sadness? Am I not allowed to grieve the death of a lifetime worth of dreams? I don't know where to draw the line between being selfish and responding in a way that will glorify God. I'm not so much asking 'why me?', or questioning God's purpose for me, but the envy is creeping in for experiences I won't get to have and it makes me want to throw myself a pity party.

Trouble is, that is not what my mind should be dwelling on if I want the peace I had only 2 short weeks ago. I don't want to feel petty, or pathetic, or like I'm trying to get pity from others, but is that all my sadness comes down to? Isn't there anyway to have one without the other icky baggage? I want to 'just get over it' but somehow I feel like that's not all that healthy either.