So I took a self-imposed hiatus from regular blogging, back in early October. I needed to give myself a break, figuretively and literally. Ever since I'd realized having children is not a likely future for us I had been a little obsessed with re-shaping my life and my purpose, and for some reason I felt I needed to impliment every idea I ever had to fill the 'empty' life this would leave me with. I'd created one list after another of things I felt I needed/wanted to accomplish with this different future, a list of attributes/skills/characteristics I can shape in myself now that I won't have a life focused on raising children. I even made a colour coded chart in excel!
And I needed to act on it all NOW. Maybe so I wouldn't feel a void, maybe because I never was good at being idle, which I felt now that I wasn't spending so much time on a certain bunch of activities.
I, being a natural born planner and scheduler, planned and scheduled all these new goals of mine with next to no wiggle room. I even put just about every goal in my Outlook calendar, reminders and all. I thought I accounted for the freedom to follow a new, God-led, purpose, I realize now that embracing gifts he gave me didn't mean I had to use them all and so frequently.
And I totally didn't account for 'life happens'.
And it did.
Life happened. What did I think I would do when work got crazy? How did I not see I had far too many priorities? Why didn't I slow down when my husband started struggling? Or when I started struggling? Or when our marriage started struggling? My calendar reminders didn't stop appearing when those started. I was hit by an anxiety attack, but amidst it all I continued to feel obligated to keep up with my schedule, after all, I had this person I was trying to become, it was my choice to make these priorities, these goals. I would guiltally press 'Snooze' on all those reminders with good intentions of getting back to them all later, but they just piled up, overwhelming me even more.
I forgot to schedule time to
just.be.
So, I interrupted my 'regularly scheduled programming'.
I finally gave myself a break.
And now I'm back.
I hope to begin blogging here again a little more regularly now. Thanks for staying tuned.
This made me smile to myself, because of the similarities. I just wrote a blog last week about my new 'schedule', the one i made with coloured markers! If I was more computer savvy. I would have done it on the computer, but the pre-school teacher in me pulled out the markers. Wishing you a wonderful weekend, and sweet time reconnecting with your hubby.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I popped by your blog and noticed the part about markers and chuckled too at the coincidence :)
ReplyDeleteI noticed on your old blog that weve both given up sugar for lent and that sounds like a similar adventure as well!
Reconnecting these last few weeks has been wonderful, the hubby and I have re-committed to prioritize keeping this connection, thanks for the well wishes and the same to you.